on fate

I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe in soulmates, in destiny, in meant-to-be’s and all other forms of false hope. I think it’s all a pathetic excuse for the human state of neediness. For our inability to cope with the idea of the unknown and to cope with loneliness. Our fear of silence and our dread of physical absence. We are overwhelmed with the mere idea of isolation. In our legal justice system, we would rather suffer capital punishment than bear solitary confinement to life in prison. We think we are weak, useless, and incomplete if we are alone. But this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sadly, centuries of accumulative disillusionment have conditioned humanity to think and behave this way, upon the premise of needing others for existence to bear meaning.

Humans gravitate naturally towards insecurity because of the idea of loss. Ironically, we know that nothing we possess, aside from ourselves, is really ours. Material possessions may, in name, be ours. You “own” your car or your house, but it cannot pulse through your veins and float alongside your soul in synchrony with who you really are. You can scribble your name a million times all over something, and it's essence still wouldn't be yours. We adorn ourselves with jewels and clothes and drawings because we want to establish a sense of identity in the way we put together our outer appearance. We think that one’s style may speak loudly and proudly down the streets, others timid and meek. But that is not who we are; the knapsacks we carry, the layers upon layers of yarn meant to replace skin and conceal scars, flaws beneath - these are worthless testimonies and failed impressions of who we really are. (I am by no means, however, saying that material possessions are destructive or negative. I am simply saying that they should never be associated with identity and self-perception.) Possessions are but labels of virtual power and conditional happiness.

The concept of “people possessions” - saying he or she is mine or we mutually belong to one another - is another manifestation of the insecure human condition. Love and hate are real, but fate is not. Chance would have it that falling in love rarely occurs, thus prompting us to believe in the idea of destiny or soulmates. But really, it’s just a process of trial and error. Love is built on luck, and thereafter built on trust. I can be equally compatible with one person as any other, but my compatibility matches may be scattered in other countries and circumstances that make it impossible for us to actualize our compatibility. The chances come and go, but so do people.

My thesis remains that you’ve only got yourself. You are your constant companion, the one and only unconditional promise that does not break, fortunate or unfortunate a circumstance, however you may regard it. You cannot abandon yourself, even if you want to. You are born alone, live life alone, and will die alone. Sooner or later, somewhere between birth and death, you must discover yourself, unearth your potential, understand your flaws, and ultimately fall in love with yourself. (Not in a vain, narcissistic way, but an all-embracing, universal way.)

An individual mind is much more powerful than the united minds of intellectuals and fools alike. History has shown that collective thought only becomes stupider and stupider with the ages. By now, most progress is counter productive. The new forward is backward. The lone genius usually accomplishes more in his lifetime than the unified front.

I’ve never had a problem with being independent. It’s always easy for me to get along alone, with or without encouragement from others. But I’ve always had a problem with accepting my independence. Even if it’s easy for me to be independent, I’m usually unhappy while at it.

My goal is to vow a happy independence in mind and soul. Rather than constantly regarding my existence relevant to others, I will regard it relative to self. The standards and expectations I set for myself will be based upon my personal bests, not world records or attempts to out-do a neighbor. I want to cleanse my mind of comparisons, in measuring happiness and self-actualization. I think that’s the only way I will learn to truly love myself.